Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
