I bet he comes in French.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
