She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
