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I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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