So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
