Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
