This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
