It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
