I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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