I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
