Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
