Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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