I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
