I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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