I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
