This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
