It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Rumble strips road head = magical
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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