Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
