Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
