So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
