there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
