I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I could fuck to npr.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
