I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
