there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
