My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
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