Your face is a jimmy john
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
