she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
