I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
