so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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