you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
