Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
