Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
