I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I AM VODKA MAN
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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