At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Buhtt sex?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
