this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just want nice things and good sex
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
