i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
