What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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