I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
