If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
