I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
