then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
