Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
