school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
