I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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