Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
