i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I still have a little drunk in my system
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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