Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
