At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
