Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
