if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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