so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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