Don't you send me to vm
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
